PiNk teQuiLa...an unusual story

Pinky says goodbye

2006-02-06T05:25:00.000-08:00

Dear readers,
Dear friends,
Dear strangers...

A couple of months i went through a stage. I became a new person, i became Pinky.
I met new people. I went through new changes. But for the past couple of days i coudn't bring myself to write anything in this blog.
And today i realized why.
Pinky was gone :/
I couldn't find her. It felt like she was just a dream, that this whole blog was just a dream.
And so i've come to say goodbye for her.
I've come to thank everyone, the regulars, the people who never commented, even the people with the negative comments. You've all played important parts in Pinky's short life.
Thank you.

As a last favor for Pinky i'm going to ask you all to leave a comment, even if you've never left one before.
Goodbye

ti7idi..

2006-01-28T06:37:00.000-08:00

So apparently the bf and i have put up a challenge :P
Who can go the longest without calling the other. Now it's been widely known that it's always me who gives in when it comes to these things and he has gotten this idea that i cannot go an entire day without talking to him, even if we're mad. Now i'm glad this time its done as a kind of fun-challenge because i feel like its my chance to show him that i really can go on for a while without talking to him. And so then he will look back at those days that i gave in and see them as "rational acts" and not "surrender" :P because that's what he thinks..So i ask from you this..HELP ME :P encourage me not to call and stay posted in case i have one of my panic attacks :P

Oh and im dying to see who loses :p (inshallah him inshallah him)
How long do you think this is going to take though ? :/ it's been an hour and a half since :P i'm thinking until tomorrow afternoon...?
We'll have to see hehe

Tagged

2006-01-25T12:40:00.000-08:00

I have been tagged by Laialy.. and i have to mention 8 traits i want in a lover so here they are:

1) He's mysteriously silent most of the time
2) He's intelligent
3) He has a sense of humor
4) He's laid back, not high maintenance
5) He's not boring
6) He's fair
7) He's successful
8) He's passionate

The eight people i tag are:

1) Jan6a
2) Shoppa
3) Voluble Girl
4) Swair
5) Dalalism
6) Charisma
7) Dodo
8) dr. lost

Tagged ...

2006-01-22T10:17:00.000-08:00

I've been tagged by a daydreamer ... you want to know a couple of my weird traits? :P hmm .. lets see..

1) usually when i "hit the sack" i sleep about an hour or so later..becuz from the first time i get into bed and tell myself that i'm going to sleep, i have to get up at least 3 times before i REALLY go to sleep. I think it's becuz i love that feeling of being exhausted, so i force myself to get up to get myself things, or wash up, or tell someone something.

2) unlike a daydreamer, i cant wear socks while im sleeping, even in the freezing cold of winter. Yet i wear them up until the last minute before i go to bed because i love the feeling of having my feet so cold when i get in bed.

3) I download random songs by artists i've never heard of. I'd think of a phrase or a title and just type it in and download whatever comes up.

4) i also type in random websites to see what pops up. latest examples (beach.com or something like sugar.com)

5) I dress in the bathroom after taking a shower. Never in my bedroom. dont know why.

6) sometimes i put my phone on silent and throw it in a drawer and leave it for a whole day just to have something to look forward to (that something being all the missed calls and msgs hehe)

i know i am very fathya (i have nothing better to do).

7) i find guys who wear dishdasha's and pull them up with one hand (on the side) when climbing stairs or something EXTREMELY HOT :P no matter what the guy looks like :P i have a thing for the way they hold it hehe

8) i love writing emails .. i wish ppl didn't find that so lame :/ i prefer writing emails to msging or talking on the phone ...

madree what else to say :S i hope that's enough hehe..

I tag...Dotsson, Shoppa, Dodo and hmm..Charisma? (if any of you have already done this sorry lol)

To all you confused ppl..

2006-01-18T11:30:00.000-08:00

Okay so i realize that some people have gotten confused along the way. This is what basically happened...

Throughout my relationship with my bf, i met a new guy which i began liking. After getting to know the guy a bit more and exchanging numbers i found out that he and my bf were friends and hung out often. Now like many of you said, i had to make the "ultimate" decision. Which for a while was hard (and when i say a while i mean a couple of days lol).

You'll all be happy to know that i'm over my "fling" completely. I am no longer interested nor talking to the other guy. We just "drifted" off the past couple of days, the "spark" had gone away. And me and the bf are getting along GREAT! this experience has taught me to not look anymore and has made me love him even more. I regret drifting off and i'm really hoping it wont happen again.

And so dear readers, the "stranger" or as some may call him "the other guy" is out of the game. I've chosen the bf lol ... plz tell me you've all caught up and understand what's happening :P .. lol .. Other than that, nothing new has been happening in my life which is kind of sad :/

here's a couple of things i'm interested in finding out about you guys:

jan6a: where are you? (I vaguely remember you travelling off somewhere.) Are/did you have fun? Anymore mama stories? lol

shoppa: How'd your anniversary go? Details plz hehe (adree ligafa)

Charisma: abee new poemmmmm!! mashallah mashallah i love your writing.

Dottson: hmm i remember in one of your comments you mentioned doing something quite similar to my "date" with the bf at his house. Care to share more? :P are you seeing someone currently..? :P

Extinct-dodo: in one of your posts about ganoo9 you mentioned that you were feeling ishwaya flustered by his lack of "taghayer" in "your" lives. He was too busy/boring..etc.? lol .. hows that going? (ba3dain you kinda had a post about how u were disappointed in him i think?) ..

ADREEE YA NAS 7ADI MALGOOOFA! sorry :$ it's just that i got to thinking about you guys today and i noticed how much i missed you (hehehe) and so i was thinking that if i could talk to you what would i say? And those questions came to mind.

Anyways i have to go now..

Tad3ee lina doom..o mara7 inkhaleek ilyowm.

2006-01-15T11:03:00.000-08:00

Allah yir7imik.

I didn't know i could feel so safe from someone that i've never met in my life.
Fi3lan 7asayt ib qeemtik now.
And i'm just scared.

OMG? SHIT? BLOODY HELL? (pick one)

2006-01-12T14:26:00.000-08:00

OMG!
Lets call my bf: THE BF
Lets call the new guy: NEW GUY
Lets call pinky: SCREWED!!!!!!!!

Pinky grabs her phone, smiling, very cheerful and msgs THE BF.

Pinky: Hi honey...where are you?
THE BF: I'm at burger king getting dinner

Then Pinky remembered that she had to tell THE NEW GUY about this thing so she msgs him.

Pinky: Hey NEW GUY i forgot to tell you about blah blah blah
NEW GUY: oh yeah!! thanks for telling me! Where r u btw?
Pinky: At home you?
NEW GUY: Burger King with this guy..

Pinky then messages THE BF

Pinky: Honey, who you with?
THE BF: This guy..we're getting dinner.

THE BF and THE NEW GUY were both enjoying their lovely dinner whilst talking to PINKY :D
Now it would only take a tiny drift of an eyeball for one guy to notice Pinky's number on the other guy's mobile and all hell would break loose.

So Pinky decides to calm down and not freak out. She did what any normal girl in her position would do.
FAINT.

Pinky...EXPOSED

2006-01-11T13:37:00.000-08:00

SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED.

Pinky talked to this stranger. Pinky wrote poems about this stranger. Pinky was falling for this stranger.
Stranger begins asking about Pinky. Pinky lies, Pinky's lies get out of hand, Stranger figures out they are lies.

Stranger kept asking why Pinky wouldn't tell him who she was, or wouldnt tell him ANYTHING about herself.
Pinky got curious and asked around about his email.
And she found out who he was.
A guy that had graduated from her school a year before.

Pinky gets sick of the lies and tells the guy to call her. She gives him her number and he calls.

"listen flan (for non-arabic speaking people, again, FLAN is a term used to talk about someone without exposing his name...) im going to tell you the truth and if u never want to talk to me after it im fine with that but u dont deserve all these lies and i cant keep making them up and i cant tell you only half the truth. So here goes...i met you by accident, didn't expect all of this..blah blah blah .. the reason i didnt want to tell u about myself is because u know me u went to the same highschool i go to now..."

and after a couple of minutes he knew who i was.
We laughed about it and he told me that it was fine and that we'd keep msging and stay friends.

God give me sanity cuz i really think im insane :/

Dance

2006-01-10T13:04:00.000-08:00

You stand behind me, facing my back.
You cannot see my face as i hesitate one last time before turning around.
I was ready to see you,
Ready for you to see me,
Ready to face the music...
Ready to dance.

And so, nervously i wait for your reaction,
Something that will last less than a second,
Something i could miss entirely,
But i see it,
A tiny smile before you compose yourself.

You extend your arm...
I'm satisfied with your reaction,
I take your hand and you pull me close.
It's my turn to react...
and i like what i see.

The music starts, and its a bold instrument,
It doesn't sing,
It screams the music out,
And we begin to dance
With so much confidence our movements are anything but graceful,
It's like were marching,

And they were marching...
To the powerful beat of their love..
And when the curtains that surrounded them revealed the couple dancing,
The entire world could see that it was Pinky ...
Pinky with her flan.

The Arms Of a Stranger

2006-01-08T07:24:00.000-08:00

I fell into the arms of a stranger,
So strange he had no name or face,
And though he did not know me,
His hands were strong enough,
He seemed to understand me,
And pulled me into his arms,
He decided to protect me,
Though he himself did not know my name,

And though I knew his time,
Like it came would have to go,
I began to realize that I dreaded it,
But to have him stay would ruin it all,
Because if he did,
He wouldnt be a stranger anymore.

Masked Man

2006-01-06T08:07:00.000-08:00

We met by accident.
You didn't know who i was and i didn't know who you were.
You taught me about fate, that's how we met.
You speak my words seconds before me. You think my thoughts seconds before me.
You're madly in love with me and you can't get enough of me.
You're amazed at how well we match.
I have to confess I am too.

You get my games and you love playing them.
You're patient and you're willing to take it slow.
The only flaw i see in you is your name....
"the other guy"

Ten Years From Now

2006-01-05T12:55:00.000-08:00

Ten years from now...
I see myself with another man. Looking back on today and smiling deep down inside. I'll remember the security that i felt from being with you. I'll remember the calls, the kisses, the jokes. I'll remember the songs and the places. I'll think about you, and i'll wonder what you're doing, who you're with. I'll wonder if you're happy. If you think about me at all.
I'll wonder what you feel when you remember the things that i remember.

Ten years from now...
I see myself with another man. Looking back on today and frowning deep down inside. I never imagined we'd end up that way. I never imagined these memories would hurt me so much. I try to block you out of my life, out of my memories. I try to forget all the songs that remind me of you, i try to avoid all the places that make me think of you. I try not to think about you and hope that you're not thinking about me either.
I hope that you don't remember what i remember because i'm trying to make believe that they don't exist.

Ten years from now...
I see myself with you. But you've changed. I've changed also. I try to remember what it was like between us and i try to understand what has changed. I tell myself that this is what i've always wanted but things didn't quite turn out the way i hoped they would. I question my decision of staying with you. I try to figure out where we went wrong. I try to fix it.
I wonder if i've made a huge mistake.

Ten years from now...
I see myself with you. I see myself happy. I'm with you and everything worked out perfectly. It's too amazing to be real, it's almost like a dream. Everything i ever wished for and wanted came true. I have you all to myself and we're so happy.
We have a family, we have a future.
We're happy we stayed together. We're even more in love.
We're successful, we understand each other so well.
We're not bored, we dont regret staying together.
We thank God everyday for making this work.

Ten years from now...
The only thing i can guarentee is your memory. Whether you're with me when i remember you, or whether you are a good memory or a bad one i do not know.
But i do know that you will be there ... ten years from now.
Even if it's just as a memory.

When I Tell You I Love You

2006-01-04T14:39:00.000-08:00

Last night i met a guy.
My perfect match. He was exactly like me that we were both blown away. We hit it off from the first second it was as if we'd known each other for yours.
"ubay 7abaitich! min wain 6ala3tay i can't believe a person like you exists" he told me. "Lazim akalmich mara thanya"
I was swept away.. may9eer wa7ed this perfect for me. Our personalities clicked from the second we laid eyes on each other.
It was too perfect for words.

I don't need flan! I'm so young! I forgot that there were other guys out there.
I guess i'll just keep it going with flan until the end of the year and break it off before college. Each go our seperate ways.

Dear readers.. those were the thoughts that passed through my head all day today.
But then as i got into bed .. i began to miss him. O galby began to scream at me for the way that i was thinking and i realized.
I love him :/
No matter where he goes..
no matter how many perfect guys i meet.
Mako mithla ..
I remember his sad face..the times where he looks at me and so innocently says "9ij?" "9ij it7ibeeni?" .. i remember the times when he used to smile shyly.. ma3ina he denies them later hehe ..
And then i remembered everything about him.
I belonged to him..
o mahma 9ar .. i can never stray

mita yirja3li ? :/

Girls night in over..Pinky's night in started

2006-01-03T12:29:00.000-08:00

I appreciated all of your suggestions..time to tell you how it really went! We got some movies (btw i've watched King Kong and i've watched The Notebook...i hated the notebook but King Kong wasn't bad..long but not bad..) Kanaw 7a6een Armegaddon on ONE TV so we ended up watching that and crying .. (ana bichayt cuz the song at the end kinda reminded me of flan wihiw imsafer so 6ab3an 6ab3an i had to get a little emotional at that..God i can't handle a week i wonder ishbi9eer feeni when he goes off to college!) So we had some cookies and cake and everything went well..had a great time actually.

Now i'm in bed getting ready to watch The Upside of Anger..i don't know if it's good (i'll have to tell you when i'm done).

And so yes .. while flan is off somewhere shopping for me.. i'm here waiting in bed watching sappy movies not knowing what to do with my life.
I hear it a lot "focus on urself and ur life pinky!" but i have all this TIME and SPACE to do that.. but i cant think of anything to do or focus on! :(
Should i get a part-time job? What kind should i apply for? Where? For how long?
any one of you readers wanna hire me for some kind of internship at where you work hehe?

Oh and i tried maramiya .. actually tastes nice! i'm gonna start drinking it alot .. but when i told my mom that it supposedly helps you lose weight she told me that it wasn't true. So anyone who has an explanation as to how it makes you lose weight..i'm interested in hearing it!
So go ahead..enlighten me!

Girls Night In..

2006-01-03T04:45:00.000-08:00

So ladies..the "cat" is out of town hehe .. and Pinky is still in it :( .. And she's in the mood for some "girl's night in". So she called up her closest cousins and invited them over for a movie-filled night.

Now Pinky has something to ask you ...
Suggestions?
Any movies.. junk food (not for pinky of course) that you guys/gals might recommend? O abee recent movies.. cuz the movie guy i deal with doesn't have anything older than 2 years ago..

Oh and Pinky and flan were in an argument before he left..and when he asked her what she wanted him to get her she was too angry to tell him :( .. but 6ab3an they made up before he left .. becuz he can't leave and they're still fighting. Do you think he'll get her something anyway?

It's cute when guys are thoughtful like that right? hehe..
What's the cutests/nicest thing a guy has ever gotten you? (or girl .. 3ashan dotsson doesn't feel left out :P..oh and by the way dotsson..do you watch star academy? (im sure you dont ..i dont either so don't bite my head off) but there's an emaraty guy that i imagine to be you .. madree laish .. i hope your not insulted .. i find him cute hehehe)

Weight Issues...

2006-01-02T01:44:00.000-08:00

Okay .. so almost every girl has them. Weight issues! I need to lose a few kilo's...
I've started yesterday..gi6a3t bread/pasta/rice/chocolate/pepsi (which are about the only things i eat everyday!) and i've taken up walking.

Now i have 13 days left.. my goal is to lose 4 kilo's (minimum) and i've decided to keep a Kilo-Kalculater (mind the spelling hehe) on my blog to motivate me :P

And so yes dear bloggers .. you are about to find out my darkest most deepest secret!
My weight! :O

67.8 kg.. i know its horrific!
I really think ina 4 kilo's will do magic for me ..

the extra weight is seriously killing me!
Now ladies (cuz i know they go through this more than the gentlemen) do you have any tips/advice/secrets?)

What we were..

2005-12-31T12:44:00.000-08:00

I've known you since i've understood what a friend was.
We were close...we knew each other..
We matched well ..
We didn't need anyone because we had each other.

We accomplished so much together.
People were jealous of us.
In school we were together...at home we were together...we were family.

But then you changed.
You went through something ... and i couldn't understand. It's not that i wouldn't .. i really tried.
You wouldn't let me in.
You began to look down on me.. you began to insult me ... you began to judge me. Everything about me was suddenly wrong and unusual to you.
I didn't change.

But still i stood..stood in front of you.
While you made your vicious statements
While you played those tricks on me
While you tried to ruin my life
Galaw inich ghayrana..
Galaw inch mi7tara ..
I believe them ..
Magdar askitlich anymore...you attacked the one thing that i loved the most. Dawartay sa3adtee o 7awaltay itkharbeenha 3alai..

That's sick..you're sick.
For a while i was scared ina you were reading my blog..i was scared you were going to figure out it was me..
Maybe you do know that it's me..
I'm sure you'd know this is about you if you read it.
So ... i'm surprised to see myself wishing you WOULD read this..

If you are reading this,
If you know who i am .. and who you are ..
i want you to know this:

I loved you..
I cried so much over you..
You were my bestfriend..
I never believed all this would come from you..
You hurt me...to an unforgivable point..
I don't want you around me anymore..
I don't want you talking about him .. what you did and said about him is unforgivable.. o anyone who comes between us will see hell from me and don't think i'm not capable of that.
Ra7 itshoofeen shay 3omrich ma shifteeh .. and yes consider that a threat.
I took too much crap from you. You can insult/say/do whatever you want to me...but the day you come and try to ruin things between us is the day i stop u 3ind 7adich..

kalamich has no effect on us..
kalamich mara7 ighayer shay..
you're never going to get between us..
i'm never going to listen to you..
he knows everything you tell me .. he knows what you're trying to do ..
we're stronger than that.. lil 2asaf you didn't know that..

I have something you'll never have.
Maybe i don't blame you for being jealous..
I've been in denial for a while now..but maybe it's time to let go of "us"...i think i'm more mit7asfa 3alaina than you are.

It still hurts.
I wish we could go back to how it was.
Bye.

Confused

2005-12-31T00:41:00.000-08:00

Last night pinky came home and posted EVERYTHING that had happened to her...some of you read it some of you didn't. But then pinky realized something...she was exposing her deepest most darkest secrets ..what if someone found out who she was?
She said things that should never have been said.

The reason pinky started this blog was to have someone to talk to...just like the post she deleted..some things mayingaloon to friends or cousins..becuz lets face it..word gets out. So she started talking to this post. But the more she starts to open up the more she gets scared that someday someone somehow will find out who she is.

Some people who know me VERY well have been reading my posts..they've been telling me about them. And now i'm scared. Last night i even considered DELETING my entire blog.
But i've gotten too attached to it..and too attached to you guys.

Now pinky's just confused.

Pinky's secret...shhhh

2005-12-29T17:20:00.000-08:00

Pinky is going to do something very very very naughty.

Pinky cannot tell you what she's about to do.

Pinky is scared and nervous about what she is going to do. It's the first time she does it.

Pinky's been waiting a long time to do this.

Pinky's scared she'll get caught.

Pinky can't sleep because she's doing it at sunrise...which is only hours (less even) away! She also can't sleep because she needs time to get ready. And she's too nervous to sleep.

Pinky's scared that ili ib balha may9eer.

Pinky's excited.

Is Pinky going to get caught? She really really REALLY really REALLY really REALLY hopes she doesn't.

What do you think Pinky's about to do?

The weirdest phone call...

2005-12-28T12:02:00.000-08:00

I just had the weirdest phone call...
I go into my room to find 7 missed calls on my mobile....might i add from a number i did not know. Calling the number a girl answers to my relief..kilish mali khilg suwalif "momkin inta3araf".

me: aloo?
girl: Hi pinky..its me flana (wa7da ma a3arif'ha 3adil .. kwaitiya bes mati3tirif ib hal shay 3abalha amreekiya :P)
me: oh hala wala..
girl: so umm listen .. if i gave you a number would you be able to get me a name and address?
me: laish galoolich ashtighel ib mtc wila il wa6aniya?
girl: so you cant?
me: no...sorry...
girl: inzain 3ayal i need to find out who a number belongs to..shasawee..
me: madree wala .. sorry...laish shisalfa
girl: la mako shay serious it's just my boyfriend got involved in a drug ring and some guy ran off with his money. And the only evidence we have of this guy is a telephone number..
me: oh..i thought it was something serious (kilish mo sarcastic)
girl: so you can't help ha? *sigh*
me: la wala .. sorry..but um goodluck with that.. and uhh tell your boyfriend to be more careful next time..
girl: inshallah i will..thanks babe

ishraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaykom ? :P

Types of marriage bil kwait

2005-12-28T03:45:00.000-08:00

aaakhhhh wain abtidy with this topic?
Awal shay this post was inspired by Dalalism fa thank you :P
I'm sorry if people think that what i have to say is incorrect, this is just my opinion ya nas ...

There are two types of people in kuwait; those who believe in love BEFORE marriage and those who believe in love AFTER marriage.

Personally i believe that love comes before marriage.
Let me explain why.

Scenario: Wa7da khi6abha wa7ed..no relationship bainhom..they get to know each other for lets say 3 months. Tawhom mit3arfeen 3ala ba3ath..no one is being themself 3adil? Some people say you can get an idea of what the person is like...no ya nas you cant! mosta7eel...
Now lets say you've been presented with the man you're going to marry...you know inich you're going to marry him...o fee this one little flaw that bothers you..but you subconciously tell yourself "batzawija...im going to be with him for the rest of my life i might as well get used to it..." this is different from getting to know a person with no strings attached and then seeing that flaw and accepting it min nafsich...

I'm also a firm believer that you can fall in love with ANYONE ...which contradicts what i just said ... lol complications ... why am i writing about this? kila minich dalalism :p

on to other topics...

- I'm finally going to watch harry potter ilyowm..HUGE fan hehehe..
- 7adi excited...
- mishtahya i write a love story.. o mishtahya i kill someone off at the end :P lol who would you prefer to die .. the guy wila the girl? (and to people who think im disturbed by this...it ain't good if it don't make you cry!) lol ams lama kitabt my last post bichait lain gilt bes...shakli bakamilha ilaila :P

2005-12-27T16:08:00.000-08:00

It wasn't very late into the night but the city was pitch black. The wind outside howled, blowing everything into chaos. The wind was in a panic, and so was she. She put on her t-shirt silently, then her jeans, her sweater, her scarf, and finally her boots. She got into the car, the few seconds that that took her almost froze her to death.
"It's going to be so cold..." she thought to herself rubbing her palms together before starting the car. "Bes maykhalif..."She started the car and pulled out of their drive-way. She had a feeling in her stomach.
She was nervous, but she was never nervous about seeing him.
She felt panic.

She got to their place. His car was parked their already. "Ghareeba.." she thought to herself..she had forgotten to call him on the way. Her mind was too busy. Getting out of the car she walked over to him. Without a word he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. She felt herself being pushed up a nearby wall. Within seconds the kiss was over.
"Hi.." she whispered.
"Hala.." Silence...

"tagha6aay" he whispers pulling whats left of her sweater closed."mitgha6yaa" she whines opening it back again."bard moot...bitmoteen..you're shivering" he whispers pulling her near and running his hands up and down her back and shoulders.
He was trying to keep her warm.
But she wasn't warm.
She was cold...too cold.

She had so much to say, but she couldn't. She had told herself over and over for the past couple of months not to do this. She wasn't going to do this...she wasn't...but she couldn't she had to.
"7abeeby.." she whispered, the first tear finally falling. She had held it in much longer than she had expected. She clutched his sweater with both fists. He put his hands on top of them and looked at her.
"3youni..." he whispers kissing her head..
"...latroo7.." she chokes her fists closing tighter on him.
"7ayati we talked about this...four years...wala mo wayed..3omri 7abeebti hideeni...latsaween feeni chithee..ishfeech maskatni chithee.."
"mabee ahidik.."
"ba3ad 3omri" he unclasps her hands from his sweater and kisses them. She didn't care what he was doing, she just wanted to cling to him.
"flan im scared...wala im so scared" and by now all shreds of self-control were gone. The tears fell down her face and his sweater.
The cold wind stinged her as it blew cruelly into her face.
The wind hurt.

Tiny drops of rain began to fall.."okay 7abeebti now we HAVE to go...you're going to get wet...please 7abeebti 3ashani" he begins but his tone starts to change as he sees her eyes spread wide with panic.
"la2 la2 please la2..please galby..tokfa la2.." she begins crying silently this time letting go of him. She was giving up. This time was going to come and she knew it.
He looked at her.
She was scaring him.
He expected her to cry, but her reaction surprised him. She was in panic. He'd never seen her this scared.

"Laish khiyfa flana?" he asked her. She wouldn't look at him, she wouldn't touch him. She had stopped clinging to him.

"you're going away ya 7abeebi...shwaya law itgool 3ani khiyfa. I'm not scared...i'm beyond that. Enta makhith aghla ma 3indi o you're taking it away from me wana madree ishbi9eer feeh, wana mara7 agdar adeer bali 3alaih..what if it needs me? ra7 yi7tajni...what if something happens? I have to make it okay...wana magdar asawee chithee when i'm here. you're taking it away from me..."

He gets into his car.
And then on that plane.
He was going to go.
And with him he's taking aghla ma 3indi.
And he asks me why i'm scared...

Q's For You's

2005-12-27T00:55:00.001-08:00

- From your experience what do you think a guy can do/say that proves he is serious about a relationship (don't tell me he tells ahala)

- What's the most romantic thing a guy's ever done for you?

- What's the most unusual thing a guy's ever done for you?

WHY...

2005-12-26T12:48:00.000-08:00

Why ...

- Do i get angry (yes...i through a FIT) i feel rage...i throw things ...i see RED .. everytime he tells me he wants to sleep?

- Do i get the urge to az3al and ignore him and make a big deal .. out of nothing .. every 3 or so days.. even when i have nothing to be angry/upset about?

- is he always right?

- is he always calm and doesn't let me have my "fits"? And when he isn't calm he is "wakaling me khara" so much that i can't have my "fit" 3ala ra7ty?

- is there nothing to fight about? A girl HAS GOT TO throw a fit. may9eer bint ma tiz3al!

- doesn't my phone have credit?

- can't i sleep? Ever? (wala jad ma anam ila 5-6 hours a day...im up by 7..)

- is life so boring that nothing, not my education, not my friends, not even my bf entertain me/keep me occupied? (ya nas plz don't tell me to get a hobby..)

*** This happens to me a lot apparently because just when i decided that tomorrow i was going to go find somewhere to be alone and just not talk to anyone the whole day i remembered this poem that i wrote about a year ago about nafs il shay..la7tha lemme go find it!

---(untitled)---
Yes I know I’ve got that dazed look in my eye
I know I’m speaking in phrases that don’t make sense
I’m aware of how much I grumble and sigh
And I realize I’ve been high-strung and tense

So maybe its time for one of my journeys
Just climb out and walk away
Please I’ll ask you to not try to stop me
Don’t hold me down and beg me to stay

Maybe there’s a reason behind this, and maybe not
Please don’t try to get me to explain
Maybe this is your fault, and then again maybe it’s really not,
But this journey’s the only way I’ll stay sane

Feeni frustration madry min shino :/ there's nothing bothering me or on my mind...maybe thats it?
aaakhhhh...

TO JAN6A...

2005-12-25T08:34:00.000-08:00

ya jan6a .. your last comment has inspired me to write this post and so i'm dedicating it to you. First of all i want to say thank you WAYED lanich ga3da it7ateeni..having a younger sister my age probably caused that. And before i go on with this post and what i have to say im going to answer your question 3ashan i dont forget. La2 .. rab3a mayadroon. No one knows (except his mother and brother).

She is 17.
There is NOTHING she can do about it.
About the physical thing...she knows guys want more.
But he doesnt.
He's never asked for it.
He doesn't want ANYTHING.
I'll admit ina she offered to give him something...but he refused it.
Gal mayabee shay minha...only for her to be his and only his and for her to be with him.
He wants her to respect him.
He wants her to be protective and shower him with love and affection.
He wants her to be herself around him so that he can be himself around her.
He wants her to be his best friend.

He doesn't want to meet her anywhere.
He doesn't want to sneak around and lie.

College is a time for people to take different paths and to explore themselves.
But marada these paths come to an end and everyone goes back home.
It's a journey we go through...people grow apart, people get closer.
You never know what happens.

And so...especially when it comes to these things...everyone is different.
They're not like "flan" o "flana" ili kanaw ma3a ba3ath 7ag 5 years chan yinfa9lon.
They're not "hatha" o "hatheek" ili kanaw ikalmoon ba3ath...
They're "shag7a" o "shaheen" ...and they want a chance to try to make it work.
They're not saying ina failure isnt a possibility. It is. Nothing is for sure.

And the advice given from people about being careful...they will try to be. Whether you're careful or not...you will get hurt. Life's like that. Eventually you're going to have to expose yourself to that risk. You love...you get hurt...it doesn't work out...anything can happen.

And so once upon a time dear readers..."shag7a" and "shaheen" met up at the beginning of that long twisting road that looked endless...and they held hands and said "let's see how far we can go..."

“sing a happy happy happy happy happy happy HAPPY song…”

2005-12-24T22:54:00.000-08:00

The period after that was AMAZING. Matmor sa3a ma akalma feeha…msgat o phone calls 6ool il wagt. Radaina dawemna…wathkir kil mara ashoofa wila ikoon 3indi 9af wiya asti7i wa7atee … 6ab3an kilish ma rakazna 3ala diroosna…24 sa3a sowalif.
Ma gimt anam bilail lana kila ga3da akalma…il suwalif takhithna min il 11 bilail lain il 2 aw 3 .. o 3ADI yowm kamil ma inaam…insoolif lain wagt il madrissa.
I’m sure most of you are familiar with hal shi3oor .. where you just cant stop smiling and all you can do is sing.
Wana wiya wayhee wayed 3aysha il door o wayed mit2athra gimt aktib shi3ir o 6ab3an ma ga9art bil love songs ..24 hours on play.
O 6ab3an omy KILISH ma shakat :P
Gam i9eer 3indina “schedule” … he calls hal 7aza…ana anam hal 7aza… iroo7 il diwaniya hal 7aza…inaam hal 7aza…

Now it’s been a little over 4 months for them…

- How long should someone wait before the first kiss? -

6ab3an knowing "shag7a" o "shaheen" they rushed into that also... (ha jan6a? still think the names are romantic?)

“tinti’6er kilmat a7ibik … shayefik mashghool feeha…”

2005-12-24T06:19:00.000-08:00

It’s been a month since the messaging and over two month’s now…since they started calling each other. Everyday was the same…talk in the morning and talk at night. Then see each other the whole day at school.

The conversations ranged from different random topics to specific details about each other’s lives and days/events.

It was 11 pm as I got ready for bed. My mobile on my bedside table…silent. He was going to call soon…he always calls hal 7aza.
And then my mobile beeps…
Raqma…

“Hala wala..” I throw myself onto my bed
“ahlaain!” comes his now familiar voice…
“shakhbarik?”

and the conversation goes on for a while…
and then …naughty little me…I start it hehehe ;)
“waaay .. ana wiyak ishlone ta3arafna 3ala ba3ath? Ma takhayaltik chithee.. wala takhayalt ini bakalmik kilyowm …u9lan ma takhayalt ini bat3araf 3alaik!”
“ee wela ana wala lol”
“inzain bes laish? What’s happening with us al7ean?”
“madry wala .. flana..we’re talking…”
“uh huh…” longggggg silence.. “what kind of talking?”
silence …”madry” …. Silence…
“uh huh….tell me something….”
“mithel?”
“Maaaadry..something? ma3indik AY SHAY tabee itgoola?”
“hmmm…la wala wela shay…”
“uh huh…” more silence…
“witha 3indi shay bagoola..mani gayla…bikoon baini o bain nafsy…”
“shako?”
“bes”
“la may9eer…”
“i9eer..”
“shil fayda ikoon bainik o bain nafsik…ikhi9 shakh9 thany? Itha ee lazim itgoola”
“ihwa ikhi9 shakh9 thany … bes shay mayingal…”
“la kilshay yingal…goola”
“mabee”
“inzain hal shay 3an shino?”
“malich shighel bes sakray il mawthoo3..”
“laa laa mabi .. gooleee!!”
“gitlich baini o bain nafsy…”
“inzain mita bitgooly?”
“shaklich wathqa ini bagoolich flana..”
“ee wathqa wa9lan adry ishbitgooleee…bes abee a3arif mita..”
“mit2akda it3arfeen?”

“ee ya flan .. wikoon ib 3ilmik …ana ba3ad widi agoolik nafs il shay”

“3ayal laish matgooleeenli”
“asti7i..il rayal lazim igoolha awal”
“il rayal yisti7i ba3ad…”
“ee bes il bint WAYED tisti7i o na6ra il rayal…”
“il rayal khayef il bint itrida…”
“laykhaf …mara7 itridaa…bes enta goolaha…”
“agoolaha ini bidayt a7ibha?”
“ee…”
“wina mo im9adig ini ta3arft 3ala wa7da mithelha?”
“ee…”
“wini 7adi khiyef al7ean o miftishel min nafsy…?”
“ee…”
“wihya ishbitgoola?”
“bitgoola …ya flan..chini bidayt a7ibik…”

Silence…

For all you people who think ina they rushed into this … bagoolikom shay :P .. the girl no3ha kilish mafeeha 9abir…o ma3indaha shay isma taking it slow to be sure! She goes for the moment…o lil 2asaf it usually gets her in trouble but you’ll see with this specific story it’s the first time this bad quality of hers gets her into something GREAT.

He was the kind of guy that could wait a year.
She was the kind of girl that couldn’t wait more than a couple of days.
So they compromised and made it a couple of months.

Oh and if by what I just said you got the impression that the girl threw herself at a new guy every week or so then you’re wrong. It was only in his case that she decided to “dive head-first” and see what happened.

Oo she’ll tell you now that it was the best decision she’s ever made! Ma3ina she’s so much more cautious now :P … inzain bes YALA I want to tell you the rest of the story!!

“WISE MEN SAY…ONLY FOOLS RUSH IN…”

2005-12-23T10:22:00.001-08:00

He was back.
He came back.
He didn’t just care about getting my number.
Rija3! Rijaaa3! Rijaa3li!

Everything went back to normal for a couple of weeks.
Ta3arfna 3ala ba3ath akthar…gam isolif akthar ihwa ba3ad.
Now I changed my mind. Abee a36eeh raqmi!
But I’m too shy to initiate it, especially since I rejected him.
But since I rejected him yimkin he won’t ask again!

I didn’t know what to do…
So I started hinting.
Kil ma ayeey bagoola asalfa agool “laa 6weela il salfa..la kalamtik inshallah giltlik iyaha”..
Bes it seemed that he didn’t get my hints!
Or if he did, he pretended not to understand.

And then one night…it was around 11 pm … kint ga3da ib dari chatting on msn and msging him.
Kan bil shalaih.
“Flana…momkin as2ilich so2al? Bes akhaf itithayagain…”
“la lol latkhaf tifathal…”
“Momkin adig 3alaich? Tabeen il 9ara7a ana wa7id kilish mo mal msgat o walah ra7 arta7 asolif wayed akthar law kalamtich …”
“mara7 takhtih fikra ghala6?”
“la akeed mara7! We’re friends…mafeeha shay flana..”
“khala9 … hatha raqmi…dig itha baghait….”

I turned off the music on my laptop. My throat was dry, mako sa3abeel to swallow! I licked my lips several times and tried to clear my throat. No use… it was too dry. Rikatht (yes I RAN) to the kitchen o sharabtli gla9 maay…on the way back my phone rang.
I was so nervous I felt that no sound was going to come out of my mouth.

“aloo…” I answered the phone nervously..
“ahlain” came a deep voice. La hatha mo 9ota! OMG is that him? Akhaf wa7ed thany! La la mo ihwa … imsawee feeni daga!
“ee kamil salfitik…” I tried to get him to speak up to see if I recognized his voice…
chan ikamil salfita…
It was him ;D …

Insida7t bifrashi o tala7aft ib 9ota as he told me everything he couldn’t say bil msgat.
He really was talkative.
I laughed a lot that night.
9irt hyper o cheerful o before we knew it, 9arat il sa3a 2 il fayer.

“Ya flan! It’s two in the morning! 3aib 3alayk imsahirni lai hal 7aza!” I laughed.
“la wala? Asif khathatna il suwalif wala ma la7atht..bitroo7een al7ean?”
“ee wala .. ta2akhar il wagt…bess..umm…” I stuttered..
“ishfeech lol .. goolay”
“3adi itga3idni bacher at 10?”
“ee akeed 3adi…”
“mashkoor flan…o shay thany..”
“hala..”
“it was nice talking to u…” (ihnee kint 7ADI mista7ya!)
“u too flana”
“goodnight”
“goodnight”

- Who says I LOVE YOU awal? Him or her? What do you think? -

GUWA…

2005-12-22T12:24:00.000-08:00

I was still on a break.
I did the usual…go out, mostly bayt my cousins.
One day, like most other days ri7t zirt bint khalty…Ga3da ib bayt’ha the tv blaring o suwalif as usual…faj2a my mobile ihiz yamee…
BEEP…
wi9aly message.

“Guwa…”

it was HIM.
Galby wigaf for a second, I looked over at my cousins excitedly.
Ma7ad yadri 3ana.
My excitement was going to have to stay baini o bain nafsy.
Faj2a 7asayt moody taghayar and I realize that I’ve been in a “blah” mood for the past couple of days. Subconsciously my mind was with him :/

Ni6art digeega, basking in the excitement and the rush of butterflies. I missed them so much! I felt happier.

“Allah igaweeek flan…”
“Ishlonich?”
“Tamam wala..inta ili ishlonik? 3asa ma shar..ikhtifait..”
“Ma shar wala .. safart. Kint bil emarat wiya il walid”
“ahaa…3asa bes istanast?”
“Il 9ara7a? La2 …lol .. intay ishlonich? Ishsawaitay these past couple of days?”
“Wala mako .. 6ala3t”
“ee zahba 7ag il gaz ha?”
“ubay 7aram 3alayk! “
“Laish 7aram 3alai? Mo hatha il 9ij lol?”
“In kathart ri7t bayt khalty aw 3amity!”
“Ee o shino il ro7a 7ag bayt khaltich ma ti3tibir 6al3a? ma rikabtay il sayara o mishaitay? Isamoonha 6al3a”
“Waaaaaay! Kaifi ana agool bayt khalty doesn’t count as 6al3a!”
“Madry ili yisma3 igool bayt khaltich foog baytich. Daminich badaltay o rikabtay il sayara ya3ni 6ala3tay”
“Inzain o ba3dain? Why is it so important?”
“It’s not…”
“3ayal why are you making such a big deal about it”
“I’m not…”
“la imbala! ubay itnarfiz! 7adik 3aneed…”

“ishda3wa? La yatarawalich..”
“la 9adigni 3aneed…”
“khala9 youma, 3ala ra7tich”

“I missed you…”
“anfigid?”
“kinda…”

- Do they get together after this? -

DISAPPEARING ACT

2005-12-22T02:22:00.000-08:00

The next day I messaged awal.
Rad 3alay after a couple of hours. The messages were scattered, he didn’t reply mithel awal. Za3al? Did he give up? Was that all he was after? Not interested anymore?

And then it happened…

“Wainik flan ma itbayen?” I message after silence from him for almost a whole day.
I waited…no reply.
Ni6art yowmain…no reply.
Third day…still no reply.
HE …was gone :/

- Do you think he came back? -

MY REPLY…

2005-12-21T09:29:00.000-08:00

“ya flan…raye7 eedik lana mo lazim taktib any more messages. Ana wayed diykha fa banam, akalmik bacher il 9ib7 inshallah.”

Sorry mo fahma il "tag" thing 3adil hussa-g.. you want to know what my desktop image is? 9oorty ana o bint 3ami .. i prefer not posting it here tho hehe..

A MESSAGING RUT

2005-12-20T07:06:00.000-08:00

It was like every other day for the past month. I woke up, and messaged him.
Throughout the whole day, I messaged him.
We had a break from school so there wasn’t much to do.
The conversations were getting boring.
He didn’t say much.

Maybe that’s all there is to him…maybe I was imagining all those other things I could find in him.
But it was still too soon to judge, maybe it’ll get better.
If there was one thing I knew, it was that friendship wasn’t an option.
He wanted to know everything about me.

It was late at night, I was in bed. I had just turned my laptop off and was getting ready to sleep. Naturally my mobile was in my hand.
He was telling me a story…
“Flana…eedy 6a7at min il messagat. Momkin adig 3alaich?” was what the message said.
Jaree2…I felt insulted.

Chinna too soon? Ishbifakir feeni law agoola ee? Bes we've been messaging for so long. O 3adi mafeeha shay, it's just casual...madry...then again...*sigh*

I clicked on the reply button…the empty screen stared back at me.
I began typing in my reply…

- what do you guys think i did? -

COMMENTS

2005-12-19T08:51:00.000-08:00

Hussa-g: I didn't MAKE him break out of his shell. Lil asaf no one can make him do anything :/ ... and keep reading to find out what happens...

MSB: The silence? It's killing me :/ .. i never really had an idea of what silence was like until i sat next to him. It's like a tiny bubble that surrounds him and all he can hear is air passing by. He blocks out everything.

Charisma: keep reading ... ;p

She went to a wedding...

2005-12-18T04:43:00.000-08:00

The messages had been going on for a while ... but he didn't have my number. We taught each other the miracle of Msn-Mobile.

"I'm going to a wedding" i told him feeling so feminine. "I'm busy all night..."
"mo moshkilla" he told me.."dizeeli msg la radaitay, yimkin akoon ga3id.."

I took a shower late in the afternoon. There was a grin on my face...my stomach was fluttering with butterflies.
I started putting on my make-up ... *if only he could see me now..*
I put on my dress *If only he could be the one helping me into it*
I got ready to get into the car *Why can't he be the one driving me to the hotel?*

The whole wedding i thought of him. I thought of my mobile snuggled silently inside my purse.
I swore i wasn't going to check it all night...

I danced...

The wedding was coming to an end...i'm was more excited about the end of it than the beginning.
*Was he awake? Dazli msg?*
My stomach was in knots.
I wouldn't let myself check my mobile. I'll wait till i get into the car atleast...

Finally i got into the car... sliding close to the door i opened my purse slowly and took out my mobile.

YOU HAVE ONE NEW MESSAGE

"ishlone 3irsich?"

He msged.

The fifteen minute car ride lasted a life-time but i finally got home.
My father was asleep and my mother went into her room leaving me alone.
I undressed slowly...staring at the phone.
It was 2 am

"ga3id?" i msged..
"ee na3am ha radaitay?"
"ee.."
"il 7imdila 3al salama..istanastay?"
"ee wala..o alah isalmik"
"riga9tay?"
"yup.."
"ya7lailich"
"wainik?"
"bil shalay"
"ishga3id itsawee?"
"ga3id wiya il shabab..tv o janjifa. you?"
"tawni dasha ifrashi basoolif ishwaya ba3dain banam"
"akeed matabeen itnameeen al7ean akhaf ta3bana"
"la la 3adi..o ba3ad?"

and so we talked for a while before i fell asleep...

A year later he told me that he had waited up for me...

Our Story...Part One

2005-12-17T07:19:00.001-08:00

I got to class he was there. He was quiet, but he stared. The first few weeks he went by unnoticed as i chatted away with the rest of the world. I didn't notice him.
And then the teacher did something that changed my life. She wanted to shut me up...i was a nuisance in class. So she sat me down next to the only person who's quiet. The person who's always asleep in class.
She sat me down next to HIM.

He was too quiet. So quiet that it was louder than anything anyone said in class. All i could hear was his quietness. And his stares.
And so i tried to talk to him. There had to be more than the quietness.
But for a while there wasn't.
And so i tried..and i tried, but all i seemed to be doing was getting on his nerves.
I was too loud for his quiet world.
Why was he so quiet?
If he wasn't...WHAT WOULD HE SAY?
I had to find out.

And so i tried some more...
And then he did say something...
And he hasn't stopped saying things since then ...